apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I need to stop coming to work sober
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I wear drunk well.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
