At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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