Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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