also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
