I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
