So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
