I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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