y did u give ur computer a hand job?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
