I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
