So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
