Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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