u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize