Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
