her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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