i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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