ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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