Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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