Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
