Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
it's like heaven, but drunker
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
