Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
