haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My pussy is not your playground.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
