help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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