i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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