Pants 0. Shit 1.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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