No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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