party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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