What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Do vagina's smell?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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