he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
