Where is the hickey?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
