I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
