The maid of honor just puked.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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