Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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