so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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