I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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