What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
