We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Are my feet made of real feet?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
