'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
