What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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