I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
