my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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