I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
