what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
