just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We left an ass print on the piano.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
