Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Terrible idea I love it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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