just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
