can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
