I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
