I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
