drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
