My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
