I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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