I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
