I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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