im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
