After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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