I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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