fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
