I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
