i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my being single is dangerous.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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