I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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