You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize