you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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