I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
