i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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