Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
