You can't motorboat a personality
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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