I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
