I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
