It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i need some magic done to my vagina
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
