lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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