Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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