five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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