i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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