She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
