JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
