Hey man sorry I got all grabby
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
