We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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