If that was your dad, he is hot
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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