fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Randomize
