we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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