you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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