I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
