new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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