everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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