The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
