Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
