he told me I talked like a deaf person
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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