So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
